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2004-02-04 - 6:53 p.m.

For today's story I think a visual aid will come in handy.

The image above explains where Officeville is situated in relation to the outside universe. As you can see on the map Officeville is conveniently situated in the middle of moronland so it's no surprise that my co-workers suck so much. Any way, I am sick of homocidal yuppie assholes trying to kill me. Let me tell you what happens.

First of all I have to park near the Korporate Koffee shop. That means I usually have to cross crosswalk 1 and then 2. Cars are supposed to be stopped before crosswalk 3 at the stop light, before crosswalk 1 at the stop light and on the park exit street at the stop light. Does this happen? No. Cars coming down major 1 way street ignore the light before crosswalk 3 and ram right into the intersection. They'll only stop if there are other cars in the intersection. They will run over people in crosswalk 2, even though they had a red light over at crosswalk 3. Cars coming off of 2 way side street wanting to turn left onto major one way street will turn left regardless of whether there are pedestrians and regardless of whether or not they have a red light (in either case they are breaking the law, if they have a red light that means they need to be stopped, if they have a green that means the pedestrians crossing crosswalk 2 have a walk sign and they are supposed to yield to them). There are also yuppie assholes leaving yuppie theme park wanting to turn right into major one way street off of park exit and if they have a green light it means "go" and they don't give damn if there are pedestrians trying to cross crosswalk 2, pedestrians who have the right of way. So basically I have morons in SUVs trying to kill me from 3 different sides when I cross the street because they can't fucking follow traffic laws.

Now when crossing crosswalk 1 I've got to deal with people turning left off of major 1 way street onto 2 way side street who have a green light. The thing is if their light is green that means that people crossing crosswalk 1 have a walk sign and the right of way. Do they care? No. There are also the people treating the stoplight before crosswalk 1 like a stop sign so they are running the light also trying to run over pedestrians in crosswalk 1 who have the right of way. So I guess there are only lunatics trying to kill me from 2 sides when I'm in crosswalk 1.

This is my day, every day. Trying to get from the car to the office without being killed, like I'm stuck in a game of Frogger, because some asshole yuppie in an Expedition needs to get from Obscenely Expensive Kitchenware Depot to Yuppie Twit Grocery a whole 2 seconds faster than traffic laws might allow.

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