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2003-03-21 - 1:58 a.m.

Like Superman, there are certain things that diminish my super powers. I'm simply not a lean mean coding machine when my co-workers do the following:

1. Make a lot of noise

I'd really like a word with whoever came up with the idea of putting developers in cubicles. Writing code, especially if it's tricky stuff, requires concentration. Sometimes in order to concentrate I need quiet. I'm usually out of luck there. Sorority Life spends all day yaking about flower arrangements and bridesmaid dresses. The tasteless wanker who sits next to me listens to Mariah Carey on her headphones all day. How do I know what's on her headphones, you ask? She listens to Mariah so loudly that you can hear every ear drum shattering note from at least 20 feet away. I hope the she goes deaf, hearing is really wasted on people with such crappy musical taste any way.

2. Make the office smell like a French Brothel

There are some skanks around here to love to spray their scent all over the office. Maybe they're marking their territory. I'm pretty sure whatever they are spraying is cut with tear gas. Some days I can barely see my screen because my eyes are so blurry with irritation. This must be how those lab bunnies feel. Note to co-workers: take a damn shower before you get off the night shift on 14th Street.

3. Come to work sick

This sort of falls under category number one. Listening to people cough up their lungs all day is distracting to say the least. It isn't just the noise that gets me, it's that I'm a bit of a germaphobe. When people show up to the office wheezing and sniffing and choking up phlegm I start to worry that I'm next. I pretty much get wrapped up in worrying about my health and feeling repulsed by their bodily functions and my productivity sinks. For the love of all that is decent if you are sick, please please stay home!

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