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2004-05-05 - 12:57 a.m.

I just got back from some mandatory fun. My company threw an awards banquet to congratulate employees who did outstanding work. My team was recognized so I had to go. It felt more like I'd been sent to detention, only instead of sitting and doing homework (which I'd have preferred) I had to sit through some corny ridiculous theatrical production in uncomfortable shoes surrounded by people I hate.

It was heinous in a surreal sort of way. First of all it was black tie optional so my co-workers were all dressed up like they were going to prom. Then 3 separate people asked me if I'd brought my boyfriend to the party. My coworkers know nothing about my personal life so I have no idea why they'd assume I have a boyfriend. I said I don't have a boyfriend. One of them actually replied "Well did you used to have one?" Not that it is any of your business but yes I've had boyfriends before. Next topic? Or is there something else you need to know about my personal life? Remember that scene in High Fidelity where Tim Robbins comes into John Cusack's store and they run through all the possible reactions he imagines having -- one where he beats him up, one where his friends hold him back, etc. I swear I had that scene play out in my head only I imagined saying:

- I live with a woman but she is out of town this week (that would be a true statement, although what it implies isn't the truth, she's just a roommate)

- Well I was seeing this sadistic head case but that didn't work out.

- At least I'm not here with a fattie (stare insistently at co-worker's date)

They had a formal awards presentation. The hired 'entertainers' did musical numbers and skits. It was like a company pride themed production of Oklahoma. It was so cheesy. I burst out laughing because I felt like I was trapped in a David Lynch film. My co-workers all turned and stared at me like I'm the crazy one.

It's too bad it's not appropriate to drink excessively at office parties. I just had to sit there and try my hardest to not look like I wanted to kill everyone and I'm not very good at pretending about that sort of thing.

I'm happy to be home now in comfy PJs and silence. Next time work wants to thank me for a job well done they should seriously just consider giving me a bonus or a raise or an ipod or something.

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