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2003-04-09 - 9:53 a.m.

I am officially allergic to my job. I actually broke out in hives the other day. Some girl wore some kinda tear gas type perfume that I a severe allergic reaction to. I ended up moving to a new cube to get away from all of that, as an added bonus the new digs are much quieter.

News on the Psycho front:

  • She has taken it upon herself to schedule a daily meeting with me. She calls me every day at 10am just to check up on me and see if I'm keeping busy (keep in mind she isn't even my manager or anything, this is completely bizarre and inappropriate). Sometimes one chat with me per day isn't enough so she calls half a dozen times to see if anything has changed since we last spoke.

  • When my seating assignment moved it took a day to get my phone extension fixed. Psycho was furious that she couldn't get through to me on the phone and she sent tons of emails and instant messages. I gave her a temporary extension to reach me at which she continues to call every day now even though my line is fixed. I keep telling her the old number works again when she starts to panic because she can't get in touch with me. This freakish separation anxiety she's developed is beyond scary.

  • I found out Mr. Pink and Psycho are old college buddies. This would explain how she gets away with all of her crap. Good to know the score I guess.

    I have, in addition to having to talk to Psycho several times a day, started going to meetings weekly with Mr. Pink and Psycho (and a bunch of other people on the project I'm working on). As if talking to Psycho isn't bad enough, I actually have to go look at her once a week.

    Every week she wears something less flattering. Last week it was a skin tight low cut rugby, which works if you're, well, me, or someone else who weighs 100 lbs or so. It does not work if you are hugely fat, I think the first rule of fashion for the hugely fat is avoid horizontal stripes.

    This week Psycho had a bright orange, red and hot pink poofy horizontal striped sweater which she had tucked into a pair of chinos which were hiked up to her ribs. You could see the poofy sweater kinda bunched up under the pants. One, who tucks in sweaters? Two, again with the horizontal stripes? Three, didn't day-glo colors go out in the 80s? Four, tucking anything in is probably a bad idea for some one like her, it only accentuates the huge huge gut.

    The horror of my weekly meetings with the special people's club isn't limited to Psycho's sense of fashion, they have to try to interject humor into the meetings too. The only thing lamer than people who aren't witty is people who aren't witty but think they are.

    Every time some one says something has been accomplished the twits in the meeting say "Yay!" As if this is really necessary, and then they giggle as if this is really clever. Yesterday when I arrived in the meeting the lights had not been turned on in the conference room and they thought that was just hysterical. They decided it would be very funny to conduct the meeting in the dark and pretend they were in a cave. They laughed even more when some one came in and turned on the lights. I don't know, maybe they are smoking something pretty serious before our meetings, I find it hard to imagine that people this stupid really can function.

    Favorite line from yesterday's meeting: "Joyce, can you ping Kevin and ask him about the status for this report?"

    Hmm, is Kevin a server or something? I know the speaker was saying she wanted Joyce to call Kevin, I just don't think ping is a generally accepted term to use in place of "phone" or "contact" or "follow up with".

    Final observation for today, if there is a special olympics out there for office equipment the gear in my office should definitely enter. I could make a run for a cup of coffee, come back and my print outs still wouldn't be ready. Next time Mr. Erratic wants me to bring copies of something to a meeting he really ought to give me more than 15 minutes notice.

    I think the time may have come for me to pioneer new territory. My patience has been wearing pretty thin and all I can think about is the 1001 ways in which they do things the wrong way around here. I have started making plans to go out on my own, start my own company, do things the way they ought to be done. My fellow heroes in Officeville will be sad to see me give up the good fight but supportive of the new venture, hopefully I'll be successful enough to steal them all away at some point any way. I've started setting things in motion to go that route so I'll have updates on that front soon.

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